on being a juxtaposition

Here's what I've been thinking about lately: slowing down, making space, and getting really cozy with saying no.

I am a person who likes to be busy (or I am a person who has thought she likes being busy). I like seeing people, and doing things, and having adventures. I like fun. And, it turns out, I also really like being home alone, spending a lot of time with my current favorite TV show (right now it's really old episodes of Bones) and whatever book(s) are lighting me up. 

I am also a person who wants to do big things, who wants to change the world, and so, I think, I must spend more time becoming that person, becoming that change. And my love of hermitting seems to directly contradict that. 

But what if it doesn't? 

I've also been thinking a lot about opposites, lately. About contradictions and false dichotomies and the ways in which we, as humans, are so often at war with ourselves. 

Which is to say, I am learning to let myself be all the things. I am learning to be yes and instead of yes but. 

 If the above resonates with you, if you are a person who feels called to be many contradictory selves, I invite you to try the following writing exercise.

What I know about myself is this: __________. But I also __________. And sometimes, I find it difficult to understand how I can be so __________ and also so __________. But I guess __________. And, what's more, if I give up the need to make any sense to anyone, __________. When I think about slowing down, I __________. And if I were to make space, I'd be afraid that __________. But also excited that __________. And then there's that word no, which, to be honest, __________. But all things considered, I'd really like to __________ and also __________. So here's my plan __________.